


Baby, You're Not Alone

by TheMadTinhatter



Category: Corpse Party - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-02-19 06:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2378603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMadTinhatter/pseuds/TheMadTinhatter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"She wanted to run away, but the fear of being alone was keeping her there. She tried to get away from those benches but, just as if he had read her mind, Yoshiki stopped her, holding her shoulders. He forced her to look at him in the eyes. She could see suffering in them."</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chap. 1: Return To Reality

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Ayushiki fanfic, I hope you'll like it! The title comes from Darren Criss' song "Not Alone". Enjoy!

 

**Chap. 1: Return To Reality**

 

Ayumi was sitting at her desk, looking absent-mindedly at nothing in particular. It was her first school day after what had happened at Heavenly Host, and that night, just as she had expected, she almost hadn't slept. She would have wanted to stay at home, that morning, but the idea of being left alone with her thoughts terrified her as much as the nightmares.

 

So her, Satoshi and Yoshiki had met in front of their school, the building that, just the night before, they had left with death in their hearts. Naomi wasn't with them. She had preferred solitude.

 

_Mochida-kun will surely go visit her, after school,_ Ayumi thought, with a pinch of jealousy. Dangerous situations tended to bring people together, but that didn't happen between her and Satoshi. In another moment she would have given much more relevance to that, but what happened at Heavenly Host had changed her priorities.

 

The bell rang, interrupting her thoughts. Finally free, she looked at the students behind her, and her eyes stopped on a blonde head which cheek was resting on the folded arms of the boy it belonged to.

 

_Kishinuma-kun._

 

He had fallen asleep in the middle of the lesson. Ayumi got up, and went towards him.

 

\- Wake up – she said, touching his arm. He flinched, then opened his eyes.

\- Didn't you sleep, tonight? - she asked. He probably would have taken it as a scolding, even though it really wasn't.

\- It doesn't look like you did, either – he answered. Ayumi looked somewhere else. She hated to show weakness.

\- Are you OK? - he asked, worried. Ayumi didn't say anything for a moment, then shook her head.

 

Yoshiki wasn't like the others. He _knew_. And, since Satoshi was already out of the school, he was the only one who could do something for her at the moment.

 

\- Come with me – he said, then left the classroom.

 

Ayumi followed him. He was taking her to the courtyard. Yoshiki stopped next to two benches and, without him saying anything more, she sat on one of them.

 

\- You noticed what happened, didn't you? - he said.

 

Ayumi nodded. He was surely referring to those three desks in their class, desks that, even if empty, should at least have been there, but weren't....

 

\- I did. Yesterday night... - Ayumi said. And, even though she didn't want to look weak, and even though she was trying in vain to hold back her tears, she couldn't stop talking....

 

*

 

\- I'll see you tomorrow – Yoshiki had told her, leaving her at her house's door. He had insisted on staying with her through the night, but she had refused. She had already bothered him enough.

 

She had opened the door, finding her house immersed in darkness.

 

_I'm alone. Completely alone. And I'm scared._

 

It wasn't the same kind of fear she had felt in the school. In that moment, with her back leaning against the closed door, she felt the weight of the previous events crashing on her.

 

_Mayu... Seiko... Morishige... Ms Yui...._

 

She tried not to panic, and to keep her breathing regular.

 

_Maybe I only have to rest for a while...._

 

She went upstairs, where the light in her sister's room told her she wasn't completely alone. However, she didn't really want to talk. It would have been impossible to tell her everything. Her sister studied occult stuff, but probably a real haunted school would have been too much even for her.

 

She went to her room, had a shower, then headed to bed.

 

Right after she closed her eyes, the Heavenly Host nightmare came back to her: the crumbling floor, the ghosts, decaying corpses everywhere... the smell of death, persistent in every corner of the school; blood expanding in a pool under Mayu's body, smashed into a wall by those children....

 

She woke up, screaming. It took a few seconds for her to realize she was in her room. Hinoe was at the door, looking worried.

 

\- I've heard you screaming – she said, sitting on the bed. Ayumi remembered how, even when she was a child, her sister was always the first to be there to comfort her after a nightmare.

\- Just a bad dream – she said, wiping away her tears with her hands.

 

_How I wish that it had only been a dream...._

 

\- You can go back to bed – Ayumi said. Hinoe held her hand, getting up.

 

\- Just one thing, little sister. Who's Mayu? You were screaming her name just now.

Ayumi swallowed. - W-what...?

 

Mayu had been at home countless times. Hinoe had always been happy to make them tea! And now... she was asking who Mayu was?

 

\- Go back to bed, little sister. You seem to be tired – Hinoe said, slowly closing the door.

 

Ayumi burst out crying. What had happened?

 

She hopped out of her bed, and opened her nightstand's drawer....

 

The last picture they had taken was from the last school trip. It was just a group picture, taken with those friends who she had so much wanted to keep together with that charm.

 

But, when she found the picture, her hands started to shake....

 

_It can't be...._

 

_*_

 

Ayumi had taken the picture out, and handed it to Yoshiki. In that picture, everyone was smiling. Everyone, except for Mayu, Morishige and Seiko, whose faces were blurred. Ayumi strongly suspected that if someone else, like her sister, were to look at it, they wouldn't even see their bodies. Like they hadn't been there during that trip.

 

\- It's like they've never existed – Ayumi said, crying. Maybe with Yoshiki she could look weak, after all.

\- What have I done! - she screamed, desperate.

 

That was what she had asked herself right after they got in that damned school. Now, not only were their friends dead, but no one except for them remembered them.

 

Yoshiki took her arm. He was trying to calm her down, probably.

 

\- Shinozaki-san... stop.

 

How could he, of all the people, tell her to stop? He was there. He could have blamed her for everything, and not talk to her anymore. Instead, he was treating her like she had done nothing wrong.

 

\- You can't understand how I feel! - she yelled, shaking the boy's hand off.

 

She wanted to run away, but the fear of being alone was keeping her there. She tried to get away from those benches but, just as if he had read her mind, Yoshiki stopped her, holding her shoulders. He forced her to look at him in the eyes. She could see suffering in them.

 

\- It's not your fault! - he screamed. - Tonight I couldn't sleep, and I thought about all the things I could have done to save our friends... I thought that maybe I could have convinced those ghosts to take me, instead of Suzumoto-san! There would have been me on that wall, but maybe Suzumoto-san and Morishige-kun would be alive, now, and you would have been happier!

 

Ayumi widened her eyes, shocked.

 

_So that's what's going on in his head?_

 

\- Idiot! Stop it! - she yelled, going backwards. - How could you ever think about something like that?

 

A world without Yoshiki would have never been better than a world without any of her other friends.

 

\- No one cares about me! - Yoshiki screamed. - If I disappeared, no one would miss me!

\- I would – Ayumi said, crying. - Me, Mochida-kun, Nakashima-san and Yuka-chan. We would all miss you!

\- Shinozaki-san....

 

Ayumi thought about everything they had passed in that school. She hated to admit it, but she would have been completely lost without Yoshiki.

 

\- Thank you – she said, trying to smile. The boy's expression relaxed. - Thanks for everything that you've done. Without you, maybe we would still be there, or maybe we would all have been dead. You're not that stupid not to realize this. And now, I'm sorry, but I really have to go.

 

Ayumi was leaving, but Yoshiki stopped her once more.

 

\- Shinozaki-san?

\- Yes?

\- There's no need to thank me. And if... if you ever need anything, call me.

\- All right – she answered, even though she knew for sure that she would have died before bothering him once more.

 


	2. Ch. 2: Omurice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"She had expected that, after returning from Heavenly Host, he just got back to acting as always, trying to ignore everything that had happened. They still would have been friends, but not as much as to have dinner together. All those attentions were strange; after all, he definitely wasn’t Satoshi."_

**Ch. 2: Omurice**

 

Yoshikazu was getting nearer and nearer. He had trapped her in a dead-end corridor of the school, alone. She was shaking with fear, completely paralyzed. The enormous man was almost next to her, she could already hear his heavy breathing... then, suddenly, he was holding her by her shoulders.

 

\- NO! - Ayumi screamed, pushing him away.

 

The second later, she wasn't in Heavenly Host anymore. She was in her classroom, and in front of her, leaning on the teacher's desk, his expression full of pain, was Yoshiki.

 

\- Kishinuma-kun....

\- Do you do this to anyone who tries waking you up, Shinozaki-san?

\- I-I'm sorry – the girl said. - How much have I slept?

\- During almost the entire lunch break – Yoshiki said, looking worried. - You haven't eaten anything.

\- Not that I wanted to – said the girl, and that was true. Surely seeing corpses every night in their dreams would have drastically lowered everyone's appetite.

\- That's not good, Shinozaki-san – the boy said, seriously. - You are even thinner than before, and you have to take care of yourself.

\- Are you worrying about my weight, now?

\- No, no... it's that... you don't look good. I know it's hard, but I want you to be OK, Shinozaki-san. Because we're... friends? I mean, you told me so, just a few days ago.

 

Ayumi tried to smile. - Of course we are, Kishinuma-kun. And... I guess you're right.

 

Yoshiki took a deep breath, then he spoke.

 

\- Tonight... tonight you might come back home with me. We could have some tea, and eat something good together.

 

Ayumi thought about it for a few seconds. Going alone at a boy's place? She had never done it, and maybe it would have been embarrassing. But the alternative was having a quick dinner with a family that just couldn't understand her, and a night alone with her thoughts.

 

\- All right – she said. - I'll send an email to my sister. I'll tell her I'll be at Naomi's for dinner. Even though we're just friends, I'm not sure if my parents would be OK with me going alone at a boy's house.

\- Oh, you're being so naughty, Shinozaki-san – he said, his joking tone being like a ray through their sadness. For once, he was smiling.

 

*

 

\- Welcome! - Yoshiki said, closing the door of his apartment.

 

It was different than anything Ayumi had expected from a boy his age. The place was small, but clean and tidy. The living room and the kitchen were all in one room: there was a couch in front of a small TV, and a table with two chairs was next to the cooking area.

 

\- Make yourself comfortable on the couch, I'll put on the water for tea.

 

Ayumi sat on the sofa, and closed her eyes, resting her back on the cushions.

 

For a moment, she felt calm. Well, it was weird to be in a boy's house, especially if that boy was Yoshiki Kishinuma, the school's delinquent.

 

_This kind of classification makes no sense anymore,_ she thought, trying to convince herself. While Yoshiki had definitely proved himself, it was still hard for her to let go of that mindset.

 

What she cared about was feeling safe, and while they were in that school Yoshiki, despite his reputation, had been her pillar.

 

_Him, and not Mochida-kun,_ whispered a little voice inside of her, that Ayumi immediately silenced. Satoshi would have done the same, if he had been with her. But he hadn't, he was somewhere else. Yoshiki had been the one who made sure that she got back home almost unscathed.

 

\- Is everything all right, Shinozaki-san? - Yoshiki asked, handing her a cup of tea.

\- Much better, thanks – the girl said, sipping her drink. She didn't like to put sugar or milk in it, since she preferred the real taste of the tea. Yoshiki, instead, put three sugar cubes in his cup. For some reason, Ayumi didn't expect it. He didn't look like the kind of guy who would put sugar in his tea.

 

They drank in silence, but it wasn't awkward. It was a bit like both were looking for a moment of peace, without being alone. Despite the tea and the whole situation, Ayumi was quite relaxed.

 

\- I'll start making dinner in a while – Yoshiki said.

\- Making? - the girl said, surprised. She had expected them to simply order something, not that Yoshiki cooked for her.

\- Yes – he answered. - Today, I'd really like to eat a good _omurice._

 

Ayumi smiled. Omuricewas one of her favourite dishes. She always ate it at the school canteen when they prepared it.

 

\- There's no need for you to cook, Kishinuma-kun.

\- Don't you trust me?

 

Ayumi laughed, for the first time in days. She remembered the day when, at school, she had made a disaster in the kitchen, and in a couple of minutes he had turned it into something delicious. Of course, her pride had forbidden her to admit it in public.

 

\- I just don't want to die from food poisoning – Ayumi said.

\- What a shame – he said, getting up from the couch.

 

_Idiot._

 

She followed him in the kitchen, and he saw him taking out all the ingredients.

 

\- Can I help? - she asked.

\- You just told me you don't want to die poisoned, Shinozaki-san – he answered, laughing. - Sit down, I'll take care of everything.

 

Ayumi sat at the kitchen table, and he observed him while he was making dinner. It was strange to see him so absorbed in something so trivial as cooking. He looked happy, even though it was just for a minute. Ayumi tried to observe his moves with as much attention as possible, trying to get some tips. Her mother had pushed them to learn the art of cooking, but all she could do without being a danger for her house was a bowl of rice.

 

\- Are you hungry? - Yoshiki asked, cracking the eggs and putting them in a pan.

\- A bit – she answered. There was a nice smell in the air, and it was having some effect on her stomach. During those days she hadn't been eating much. Her appetite seemed to have vanished, what with the nightmares and the fact that she wasn't generally feeling well at all. In that moment, however, put in front of the perspective of eating that omurice _,_ it seemed like she was back to normal.

 

Yoshiki took two plates, cutlery and glasses, and put them on the table. Then he took the pan and the ketchup.

 

_How silly, I didn't even help him setting the table._

 

\- There it is – he said, sliding the omurice on the plate in front of her. - And now, the final touch – he said, taking the ketchup. He squeezed the tube, and wrote something on the omurice. _Ayumi._

 

The girl smiled. - Can I do it with yours?

 

Yoshiki gave her the ketchup, and she wrote the boy's name on his omurice.

 

\- That's not fair – he said, sitting down. - Your writing is much better than mine.

 

Ayumi took a bite of her omurice. It was delicious, exactly as she had expected it to be.

 

\- Thank you – she said. - It was ages since I last ate one.

\- You're welcome – he answered, smiling.

 

They finished eating, and cleaned up together. Ayumi wanted to help him wash the dishes, but Yoshiki insisted that she sat on the couch, and waited for him.

 

_He's so nice...._

 

Maybe too much for her taste. She had expected that, after returning from Heavenly Host, he just got back to acting as always, trying to ignore everything that had happened. They still would have been friends, but not as much as to have dinner together. All those attentions were strange; after all, he definitely wasn't Satoshi.

 

_Men do all these things only when they want something in return._

 

And, in that moment, it came to her mind that she was alone, at night, in a mental state weaker than ever, with a boy who had a terrible reputation and who could have taken advantage of the situation. Also, her family knew that she was at Naomi's. And she... well, whatever filthy thing he would have wanted her to do, she surely wouldn't have been willing. All the calm she had had just a few minutes before had vanished. She was tense as a bundle of nerves, and if Yoshiki even had just tried to put his hands on her, she would have run away.

 

The boy emerged from the kitchen.

 

\- Are you all right, Shinozaki-san? Maybe you're cold... wait, I'll bring you a blanket.

 

He disappeared in his room, then came back holding a blanket, that he immediately put on her.

 

\- Why, Kishinuma-kun? - she asked.

\- Why  _what?_

_-_ All this kindness! The tea, the dinner, this blanket... I know you wanted to comfort me, but this is too much! Guys like you don't do these kind of things! What do you  _really_ want, Kishinuma-kun? Because if that's what I think, I'm going back home! - she yelled.

 

The boy's reaction was immediate. He stepped back, holding the table's edge. His expression looked...  _angry?_

 

_\- Guys like me?_ What do you mean, with this? No one of us is the same person anymore, and I never,  _never_ could have done all that stuff you think I would do! - he screamed. - We passed through hell, together, and now I see you like this, sad and looking sick, and I'm worried for you! Because I am...  _I am your friend,_ Shinozaki-san! I am your friend and I care about you, because that's what friends do! Oh, but I bet that if there had been Satoshi-kun instead of me then there wouldn't have been a problem, is that true? God, how can you be that stupid?

 

Ayumi stared at him, her eyes wide open. His words sounded sincere, and surely she had got him wrong, but still, she was feeling so fragile, and he had raised his voice to tell her that she was stupid... tears started coming out, uncontrollably.

 

\- Oh, Shinozaki-san....

 

She felt him getting near her, and sitting on the couch. She felt his arms wrapping her, and holding her close to him. She heard his heartbeat, and she clung to him, because in that moment he was the only one she had.

 

\- I'm so sorry, Shinozaki-san... I shouldn't have raised my voice – Yoshiki said, gently stroking her hair.

\- I really am stupid – she said, trying to calm down, but in vain.

\- I'm sorry, I didn't want to say it, I didn't want to hurt you....

 

He seemed mortified, but the damage was done, and her mind was back to thinking about their dead friends.

 

\- It's all my fault – she said, crying. - They're all dead....

 

Yoshiki held her even closer. - Shh... - he said, lulling her. - Stop saying such things, I've already told you....

 

Ayumi would have wanted to say something, but all that crying, together with being severely sleep-deprived, had completely depleted all her energy. Also, probably to calm her down, Yoshiki was still stroking her hair, and that definitely was having an effect on her.

 

Her breathing was becoming more regular, following the movement of Yoshiki's chest, and her eyelids closed....

 

*

 

She was back in the school. Again, she was going backwards towards a dead-end corridor. There was no way to escape, and Yoshikazu was towering on her, ready to crush her with his hammer.

 

Her heart was beating fast. She knew that would have been one of the best and fastest ways to go, in that school, but she was still scared of death. It was normal, right? She wasn't protecting anyone, nor she was sacrificing herself to save everybody. She was just a little girl, trapped like a bunny.

 

_ What a stupid way of dying,  _ she thought.

 

Then, she felt a sensation of heat radiating from her heart, and a hand taking hers.

 

_Someone was with her. She wasn't alone._

 

Right as Yoshikazu was charging the blow that would have ended her life, the person who was with her put themselves between her and the hammer.

 

Ayumi could just see Yoshiki's blond hair, then Yoshikazu lowered his hammer.

 

The girl screamed, while a bluish light surrounded her.

 

\- Shinozaki-san...?

 

The boy took her face in his hands. He was the only other one in the corridor, now.

 

\- Kishinuma-kun... Yoshikazu...?

\- He vanished – he said, hugging her. - Now you're safe, Shinozaki-san. Now we're safe....

 

*

 

Ayumi slowly opened his eyes. She was completely surrounded by warmth, both by the blanket and by Yoshiki's arms, still holding her.

 

She felt herself blushing.

 

_For exactly how much time have we been in this position?_

 

She looked at Yoshiki. He had fallen asleep, too, his head on the back cushions of the sofa. He had a calm expression on his face, as if he were having a nice dream.

 

_Lucky him,_ Ayumi thought. Thinking about it, she couldn't have said that the dream she had just had was as terrible as her previous ones. She wasn't alone, and with Yoshiki she had felt safe, just as she was feeling in that moment....

 

_Oh, cut it, Ayumi._

 

The thought definitely woke her up. Nothing strange had happened, but she had just fallen asleep in a boy's arms, and that wasn't exactly like her.

 

She looked at the clock on the TV. It was eleven o'clock, and she wanted to be home before midnight. Luckily, she didn't live that far. She gently freed herself from Yoshiki's hug. The boy moved, and muttered something.

 

\- Shinozaki....

\- Kishinuma-kun, I have to go....

 

Yoshiki opened his eyes and stood up, stretching a bit. - We... we fell asleep – he said, a bit embarrassed.

 

Ayumi nodded. - I've noticed, and now it's late – she said. - I can't stay here all night.

\- I would have left you my bed – Yoshiki said.

\- N-no, it's all right!

 

She was blushing, and she was hoping Yoshiki hadn't noticed.

 

_This situation has been too embarrassing already._

 

\- Now... yes, I'll take my bag and I'll go! - she said, going towards the door, but Yoshiki stopped her.

\- Shinozaki-san... I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. And... thank you. I didn't have any nightmares, while you were here – the boy said, smiling.

\- It's nothing – Ayumi said. - I can't say the same, but my nightmare wasn't that terrible. So, thank you too.

\- If you need anything, just call me. Are you sure you want to go home alone?

 

Ayumi nodded, then she went out.

 

After all, she was smiling. That had been a nice evening.

 


	3. Chap. 3: Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _\- To be honest, I'd like to take you to a place – Ayumi said, smiling a little. - It's not like sleeping, but it still is a way to take care of ourselves, and I'm sure you'll like it, since that's what you want._

**Chap. 3: Chocolate**

  
She had thought that things were getting better, that after that night she would have gradually stopped having nightmares; she had thought her body and mind would start healing through getting a decent amount of sleep, but she had never been this wrong. She was still at the starting point, and she would have paid much more than her whole savings to have just one peaceful night.

  
She tried to send away the thought that the source of her calm had been falling asleep in Yoshiki's arms. She was seventeen, she wasn't a child, so she had to sort it all out alone. After all, she didn't have any choice: if she had started talking about ghosts and cursed schools to her parents, they would have sent her to a mental hospital or something like that.

  
She hadn't passed any more time with Yoshiki, except for school. Everytime her mind considered passing another evening as that first time at his house, suddenly her pride shut everything down.

  
_I don't need anyone,_ she thought.

  
Sometimes she talked to the others, at school, about the horrifying nightmare they had lived, and about those who hadn't returned. However, Ayumi didn't want to load them with everything that bothered her; she didn't want to talk about her nightmares and how they kept her up all night; she didn't want to talk about the guilt she felt, guilt that they all would have promptly tried to shut down.

  
Then, Satoshi and Naomi had become much more distant, as if they were living in a world of their own, where no one else could step in. Often, while she was with them, she had felt uncomfortable, as if she were interrupting something. Ayumi knew well what was going on, but she was trying to erase that pinch of jealousy that she felt by telling herself that she had much bigger problems to think about, and that was true.

  
But nothing could have prepared her for what she was about to see.

  
She knew she shouldn't have done it. She knew that, when she had seen Satoshi taking Naomi to the back of the gym, she _never_ should have followed them. But there she was, hiding behind a wall, spying them. Curiosity had won.

  
They were talking, their voices low, and Ayumi couldn't understand what they were saying. But then, Satoshi got nearer and nearer, until he kissed Naomi.

  
Ayumi felt like she had just swallowed a rock. There was nothing particularly shocking, since it had always been evident that, one day or the other, it would have happened. Nevertheless, Ayumi couldn't stop the lump she had in her throat. While Naomi and Satoshi were going away, hand in hand, she sat on the ground, crying.

  
_Get a grip, somebody might see you,_ she said to herself, but without result. She barely could control her breathing.

  
Yes, she was bloody jealous, but (and that surprised her a bit, amongst the tears) not for the reason she thought. Well, she would have liked to be kissed by Satoshi. He had always been the boy of her dreams, the kind of boy she had expected to, one day, marry and have a family with. But her feelings for him had somehow faded a bit during those last days. What bothered her was the fact that now Satoshi and Naomi were together. He wasn't the type to randomly kiss girls, so he probably felt something for her. He would have been there for Naomi, ready to help her whenever she needed him. He just was that kind of boy.

  
Instead... she was _alone._ Telling herself that she didn't need anyone was just a way to protect her mind, to not break down crying alone in her room. Her friends always had had someone who cared for them. Naomi had Satoshi, Mayu had had Morishige, and Seiko was happy with being friends with Naomi.

  
As to her... she had never had anyone. No one thought of her as the center of their world. No one fell asleep every night thinking of her, or sent her goodnight emails. No one thought of her first after waking up. No one hugged her, or kissed her, or held her hand while on a walk. She had never had anyone to _love_ her, and at the moment that was what hurt the most.

  
\- Oiiii! - Yoshiki said, heading towards her.

  
_Oh, what a perfect timing._

  
Trying to hide her tears would have been completely useless.

  
\- I wanted to ask you if you were OK, but it seems pretty evident that you're not – he said, sitting next to her. Then, exactly as she had done during that night, he put an arm around her shoulders.

  
In another life she would have rejected the gesture, possibly slapping him; in that moment, she was just so desperate for comfort that everything else would have been second.

  
\- Mochida-kun... - she murmured.

\- I saw him a couple of minutes ago with Nakashima-san and... oh. _Oh no._ I'm sorry.

  
He had understood almost without her talking, and he seemed to be quite sincere.

  
\- It's all right – Ayumi said, wiping her tears. - They will be happy, together.

  
_Them, at least,_ since that was apparently precluded to her.

  
Ayumi tried to hold back her tears, and got up, wobbling a bit. She was feeling really tired.

  
\- Have you been sleeping, Shinozaki-san? - Yoshiki asked, looking at her in the eyes.

\- I... well....

\- Your eyes are screaming for help – the boy said, shaking his head. - Shinozaki-san... I told you to call me, if you needed any help....

\- Right, and I don't – she responded. _Liar._

\- You don't solve stuff like this alone – he said. - This isn't a school project, or something like that. You don't solve it with a sleepless night working on it. And of course I can't take you home like last time, if you don't want to.

\- I'd like to see you try – Ayumi said. He was right, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to go to his house again. It seemed something quite _intimate._ Probably, while they were in the school, she had sometimes behaved in a way she would have been ashamed of in another situation; she didn't want to make this worse by falling asleep again on his couch. So, she took a decision.

  
\- Are you free, this afternoon? - she asked. Yoshiki looked at her with his mouth hanging open, like if he were really surprised by the request.

\- Y-yes – he said, but then shook his head. - I mean... no, I have to... work.

\- Work?

\- Well, do you think that the rent and the food will pay themselves?

  
Ayumi was surprised. She knew that the Kishinuma family was quite rich, and that they lived not far from the city. Simply, she had thought that the apartment where Yoshiki lived was theirs. She had always thought of Yoshiki as a bad boy spoiled by his family; she never would have imagined that, really, he was living entirely on what he earned.

  
\- But... what about your family?

\- No comment – he said, bluntly. - Anyway, I should be free tomorrow. Are you coming home?

\- To be honest, I'd like to take you to a place – Ayumi said, smiling a little. - It's not like sleeping, but it still is a way to take care of ourselves, and I'm sure you'll like it, since that's what you want.

Yoshiki nodded, a bit confused. - All right – he said. - I'll fetch you, then.

\- Perfect – Ayumi said. - But now let's go, class is starting again!

  
Yoshiki snorted, and followed her.

  
*

  
Ayumi closed the main door behind her. Yoshiki was waiting for her outside.

  
\- I'm really curious about where we will go – he said.

\- You'll see, you just have to follow me – she said, walking towards the underground station. Luckily the train wasn't particularly full, so they found somewhere to sit.

  
Ayumi was looking in front of her, her mind lost in thought. Trying not to think about it and to go on was useless: her mind just kept going back to her friends who weren't there anymore. For example, it just came to her mind that probably, seeing her going out with Yoshiki, Seiko would have made fun of her, maybe by suggesting her to wear a skimpy dress to “draw his attention to the important stuff”, like that was going to be a date. Seiko was like that, and they loved her because of this.

  
_Even though I wouldn't be going out with Kishinuma-kun, if Seiko were still here...._

  
She turned towards Yoshiki, and he saw him quickly look somewhere else, smiling a little. He was looking at her. Smiling.

  
_What does he have to smile about?_

  
They got out of the train after a few stops; then, by foot, they got to their destination.

  
\- Cho-co-la-vie – Yoshiki said, reading the sign. - A chocolate shop?

\- Well, yes. The name is _“Choco La Vie”_ \- Ayumi said. - They've always told me that chocolate is the solution to all problems. Maybe it isn't exactly true, but it won't harm us, will it?

  
Yoshiki shook his head. - Let's go inside – he said.

  
They sat at a table next to the window. In a display next to them were shown the specialties of the day.

  
\- I'd like to try everything – Ayumi said.

Yoshiki, meanwhile, was looking at the menu. - I think I'll order this one... _“Muu-su-o-sho-co-ra”!_

Ayumi laughed. - It's _“Mousse au chocolat”,_ Kishinuma-kun!

\- And what did I say? - Yoshiki mumbled. - It's not like I'm studying French, Miss Know-It-All....

\- It wouldn't hurt you to learn something every once in a while – she said, faking irritation.

  
They were interrupted by a young woman wearing the shop's uniform.

  
\- Eh? So cute! - the woman squealed.

\- What? - Ayumi said, embarrassed. Even Yoshiki was blushing.

\- You really are a nice couple! - she said, excited. - What do you want to order?

\- We... we are not a couple! - Ayumi said, quickly. - Anyway... two _mousse au chocolat_ and some mixed chocolates, thank you!

  
The young woman wrote everything down, giggling.

  
\- Saeko-san! - said a male voice from the inside of the shop.

\- Sorry! - she said. - I'll leave you alone!

  
Ayumi looked at Yoshiki again. There was sadness in his eyes.

  
\- That girl made me think of Shinohara-san – he said.

\- Maybe it's because of the name – Ayumi replied.

\- If she were alive and saw us here, she would make fun of us.

\- Don't get weird ideas, Kishinuma-kun – Ayumi said. Of course, she wasn't there on a date.

  
Yoshiki shook his head. - That's OK, Shinozaki-san – he said. - Then, after Satoshi-kun, surely you wouldn't even want to think about stuff like that.

\- I think it's a less important problem right now. At least him and Naomi have something good to think about.

  
_Something you'll never have. You just have to be happy for them, without expecting anything for yourself,_ she thought, sadly.

  
The stuff they ordered finally arrived, and they let themselves be comforted by the power of chocolate.

  
\- Everything is so good – Yoshiki said, taking his third chocolate.

\- I told you so – Ayumi said, smiling a bit.

  
They kept on eating in silence, always without that embarrassing feeling they could have felt with anyone else. They didn't need to talk to know what the other might be feeling. They had lived through that terrible experience together, and even though Ayumi hated to admit it, there was no way to break the bond formed between them.

  
Yoshiki was the first to talk. - My parents disowned me. They kicked me out of home – he said.

  
Before, she probably would have thought that he had deserved it, since he was a good-for-nothing delinquent. Now she only felt sadness for him.

  
\- Why? - she asked.

\- My family was very rich. As you can imagine, my parents expected a lot from me. I had to be the perfect son: I had to behave, I had to get excellent grades to be admitted to an excellent university, with the goal, one day, to take over the family business. A brilliant future, huh?

  
Ayumi nodded. Many young people would have done crazy things for such an opportunity.

  
Yoshiki kept on telling his story. - I lived with this goal for years, since childhood. Then, as soon as I started high school, I realized something... I really didn't care about what I was doing. I didn't care about graduating in Economy at Keio, I didn't care about the family business. I didn't know what to do, but I knew I didn't want to follow what my parents wanted for me. I tried to tell them, but nothing.

  
\- I'm sorry, Kishinuma-kun – Ayumi said – even though I don't think it was bad for your parents to worry about your future.

  
\- No, of course it wasn't. But I was just fourteen, and it seemed that my parents wanted all of this not for my happiness but just for their pride. It was more important that I was a model student, my happiness was secondary. So, I started to rebel. Small stuff, at least at the beginning. I bleached my hair and started playing the guitar, strumming it _casually_ when my parents were home.

  
Ayumi laughed. - Really small stuff, to think of it – she said. However, all those little things were what previously had convinced her not to trust him. _Look at him, with those bleached hair,_ she had thought. _He really looks like a delinquent. I bet he smokes too._ That's what she used to think, and what the whole school kept on thinking. That was what everyone thought about him.

  
\- Not for my parents. Our relationship started going downhill. I started skipping school more and more, and to be involved in small fights. I was destroying their image of me, and I was quite satisfied with this. As the first letter from the school arrived, I had a big fight with my parents, and they kicked me out. I... well, I was ready. I found a place to stay and a part-time job to keep me from starving. My parents wouldn't have given me a cent anyway.

  
\- What is your job? - Ayumi asked. He was in her group of friends for a while, but she hadn't bothered getting to know him better. It was like she thought she had him figured out just by looking at him, and she had stopped there. She often had wondered how someone like him could be Satoshi's best friend.

  
\- I flip hamburgers in a fast food next to home – he said, a bit embarrassed. - Not the best job in the world, but it's better than nothing.

\- I think that's good – Ayumi said. Right, it wasn't a job she would have liked to do all her life, but considering his age and the fact that he was still at school, being able to sustain himself on his own was remarkable.

  
\- I was about to drop out of school – he said.

\- I know – she answered. She remembered clearly their first real meeting. Yoshiki was arguing with the P. E. teacher about something, probably smoking, and she happened to be eavesdropping their conversation. She was about to leave: a good scolding and a punishment was what Yoshiki deserved at almost any moment, and surely she wouldn't have been the one to interrupt it.

  
Then, she had heard his intention of leaving school and of hitting the teacher, but what had shocked her the most was that the professor actually was encouraging Yoshiki's decision, telling him he was good for nothing and that he had no use in keeping on studying. After hearing that, she just had to do something.

  
\- Why did you do that, Shinozaki-san? Why did you interrupt? - Yoshiki asked.

Ayumi took a deep breath. - Because it wasn't fair – she said. - It doesn't matter if a student isn't good, or misbehaves. No one should tell them to drop out, even though that's what they think about themselves. A teacher's job should be to encourage their students to do their best, not to bring them down. And even thought I kind of hated you at that time, I didn't want to feel responsible for jeopardizing your future.

\- Thank you - he said. - We would have never known each other, if you hadn't done that.

\- Your friends wouldn't have been dead, if I hadn't done that - she said, looking out of the window.

  
It was useless, trying to distract herself. Her thoughts always went back to what happened at Heavenly Host, and that was reflected in her topics of discussion. Maybe Yoshiki just wanted to have a nice afternoon in which he didn't want to think about sad things, and there she was, ruining his plans.

  
\- I probably even wouldn't have any friends - he said, smiling a little. - Now, we have lost some of them, but still, I am not alone.

\- This situation is so weird, and sad - Ayumi said. - We're the only ones who remember them. They don't even have a grave, and I fear that... that one day, we'll forget them too.

  
Silent tears were running down her cheeks. It felt so unfair, for their souls to leave this world without as much as a goodbye.

  
\- We won't - he said. - We will try our hardest not to. I will, at least. And that's why I've sent a text to Satoshi-kun and Nakashima-san.

\- Why?

\- There's a flower shop near the park, right? The one next to our school, I mean.

  
Yoshiki had a sad smile on his face, and Ayumi saw, in his usually hard expression, a hint of tenderness.

  
*

  
They were in a hidden corner of the park, a place where usually children didn't go to while playing. Yoshiki had carefully chosen four stones, and had cleaned them with some water.

  
\- We can't give you proper graves, but I guess these will do - he said, looking at the sky.

  
Satoshi was holding Naomi. Her eyes were wide, no tears to be seen. There was no need for them, since it was evident what she was going through.

  
Yuka kept on sniffing, holding their flowers with trembling hands. There were four, one for each friend: a sunflower for Seiko, a pink rose for Mayu, a purple daisy for Morishige, a white lily for Ms. Yui.

  
Ayumi kneeled on the ground to light the incense, and then everyone was praying for their friends' souls.

  
_Be strong,_ she thought. _Don't cry._ But it was useless.

  
Doing that sort of funeral and praying for their souls to pass on in peace meant truly accepting that they were gone. It meant saying goodbye, it meant remembering how they were while they were alive and cherishing those memories, knowing there was no way to relive them.

  
Ayumi was shaking, still trying to hide her weakness. She had been the one to complain about the fact that their friends hadn't had a proper funeral, and then she was struggling to let go.

  
Then, she felt a hand holding her shoulder, and someone kneeling beside her. Of course, it was Yoshiki.

  
\- We'll make it - he said. - Together.

  
He probably meant a lot, with that. Going on with their lives, gradually dissolving the venom Heavenly Host had left in their blood, for example. Sleeping without nightmares. Living a life their friends would be proud of. Even just getting up from the ground, in that moment.

  
Yoshiki was already on his feet, but he had lowered his hand towards her. She took it, and he helped her up.

  
Ayumi waited a couple of seconds before letting Yoshiki's hand go. It was weirdly comforting, having him showing physically his support. Also, he wasn't exactly eager to let go, too. It was like they both needed each other's strength.

  
They left the park only when the sun was setting. It was clear that no one of them wanted to leave, like staying in front of those four stones for long enough could bring their friends back.

  
Yoshiki refused to leave Ayumi's side while getting back home, and she was thankful for this. He'd always been there for her, during those days....

  
\- Thank you. I probably would have never thought about doing that sort of... funeral - she said.

\- I've been thinking about this for a while... it felt like we all needed it.

\- I will come back to that place, every now and then - Ayumi said. - If nobody moves the stones, of course.

\- I wouldn't bet on it too much - he said. - But I will keep an eye on them, too.

  
Ayumi stood next to her house's door, but before going in, she turned towards Yoshiki.

  
\- I really hope you're right, Kishinuma-kun - she said.

\- About what?

\- What you told me in the park. I will do my best, too. Together, we will get out of this.

  
And somehow, looking into his eyes, she believed in her own words.

 


End file.
